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  • Carla Hemans - Life Coach

They Are Not Your Friend

Updated: Apr 26

An essential four-letter word is TIME.  We are given 24 hours a day.  We decide how we spend it and who we spend it with. 


We form relationships every day, some are undefined, and some are clearly defined. When I hear someone say they have lost someone, and the person is not dead, I am confused because I don't believe in losing people that are still alive.



When someone exits your life, they were not meant to be there, and you need to move on.  I know it's easier said than done. You have to do what's right for you and face the harsh reality that certain people were not meant to be in your life but have some wine. This could be a good thing!  Let me explain.

A few years ago, someone hurt my feelings, really severely.  My whole life, I've managed to form solid relationships with people, I have a small team, (that's what I call my friends and family that I consider my inner circle). 


I think I am a good judge of character, so I was caught off guard when someone decided to end our friendship for reasons that I found very silly, but yet it was so easy for her to walk away.


The Dark Place


  I admit I went to a very dark place, I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't dance, I didn't want to do anything, I was hurt to my core. 


I left social media and decided that I needed to reorganize my life and the people in it.  Yesssssss, it was time for some self-discovery, and during that time, I found my voice, and I knew that I wasn't meant to stay in that sad place. 


I reconnected with my Janet Jackson music collection (this will be a future blog) and started writing, writing and writing and guess who I found....ME.



The Plan


I started listening to motivational speeches, I love Les Brown, Maya Angelou and TD Jakes.  One particular statement from TD Jakes caught my attention. He spoke about the people in your life and how to categorize them, so I listened attentively because it was something I was going through at the moment. 


I made a list of all the people in my life, and I started to put the labels that TD Jakes mentioned beside each name, and I actually felt myself getting better because my perspective started to change.


Confidant


The first label for individuals is called Confidant.  A confidant is a person that is there for you no matter what, they are your ride or die.  Usually, you don't have many of these people in your life.  They will always be by your side through good and bad times. 


I have been blessed to have a few in my life that I consider a Confidant.  This is a significant title, don't just give it to anyone.  I learned this the hard way. 


Don't base this position on how much you like someone base it on facts.  Is this person there for you when you call?  Does this person contact you to see if you are ok?  Does this person think above themselves in situations?


Constituents


The second label for individuals is called Constituents.  Constituents are there for a purpose. 


You can have fun with this person, as long as you know this person is more interested in the things you do, then you and if you get yourself into trouble don't think this person will be there for you.


They are there for a purpose, and once that purpose is met, they will leave.  It's fine to hang out with these people as long as you do not get them mixed up with your confidant.  That's what happened to me, and when you mix up the two labels, you open yourself up to being hurt.


Comrades


The final group is the Comrades.  We all have come across some Comrades in our lives. 


These are people who will be with you because you are against what they are against. 


For example, if I know Molly doesn't like Suzie and Suzie do something to offend me, the first person I am going to is Molly.  I will hang out with Molly because we both don't like Suzie, and that's what brings us together.  I know this is a feeble example, but I hope you get what I am saying. 


Being with someone simply because you are against something or someone is a relationship that will never last. 


Keep in mind, there are certain situations that a relationship like this would be ok, such as war, but your everyday relationships should not include too many comrades, its never a good idea to build relationships on the negatives.



Conclusion


Unfortunately, we have all three labels in our lives, now my challenge to you is to apply labels to the people in your life and review your list every now and then. 


Do not share your list with anyone, and I hope you enjoy that glass of wine because you deserve it.


.



#change #anxiety #buildconfidence, #tips, #lifecoach, #confidence #selflove #selfcompassion

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