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  • Carla Hemans - Life Coach

I Hate You


People who hate scream of insecurities. Not all insecure people are haters, but all haters are unsure people. At one point in my life, I was trying to convince the haters to stop hating me, but during my journaling, I had a major moment. I realized I have many things that are working in my life, so why do I find it necessary to focus on the haters. Is it because they are related? Is it because of a need to feel included? Why does society give so much attention to hate? I don’t know, so I decided to explore some interesting facts about this four-letter word.


1. Haters don’t stand alone


They tend to find others to participate in hating others. They will tell their peers, family members or strangers how they feel about the person they choose to hate hoping to get allies. Again, haters are insecure they need others to make themselves feel valid so don't be distracted if all of sudden the hater in your life has a small group around them.


2. Haters usually define themselves with symbols.


They love to create mythologies that degrade the object of their hate. Skinhead is an excellent example of this; they use the confederate flag and false narratives to paint a gloomy picture of the people they want you to hate. #blacklivesmatter


3. Hate encourages you to keep looking outwards.


It says everything about the hater and nothing about the hated. Hate has some unique features, such as the motivation to eliminate the object of hatred. We sometimes seek revenge because we want the person that hurt us to feel the same hurt we do. We start to focus on the hate instead of overcoming the pain that someone may have caused.


When a person hates you, it’s on them, don’t allow the hatred to affect you because then it’s on you.


Here are some ways to deal with haters.


1. Determine if you did anything wrong.


Sometimes we don’t realize our actions or words offend others. If you have done something or said something, be the bigger person and apologize. If they don’t accept your apologies, walk away and live your best life.


2. Ignore them.


Especially if they are recruiting other people to hate you, don’t give them the satisfaction of your energy and time. Fill your life with pleasurable things and people. If the haters are on social media, then log off for a while. Find a way to find balance and not be overwhelmed by the words of others.


3. Project the person you want to be.


Make sure your confidence is always showing. Don’t let haters see you sweat. If they are throwing insults at you, allow the insults to bounce off you by not reacting, lowering your standards and hurling insults back. I love the fact that Beyonce once said, “the best revenge is your paper". Keep moving towards the best outcome you want for you life.

4. Stay Grounded

Haters can be annoying, but you have good things in your life. Focus on all the right things. Find the things you like about yourself and your life. Spend extra time with the people who love you. Do some meditation, exercise, leave affirmations around the house that reflects the way you want to feel and ground yourself in positivity. Hence, the negative things that are coming your way have nowhere to settle in your spirit.

It’s ok if some people hate you. You can’t please everyone all the time, and you may run into people who dislike you for petty reasons or are jealous of you. Don’t allow someone’s negative opinion of you to rent space in your head.


Carla Hemans

Self-Discovery Coach


Visit her at www.carlahelpsnow.com

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